I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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