This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
