..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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