Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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