You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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