On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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