Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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