I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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