Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
