i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
