But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
