just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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