Kiss
Puke
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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