Will you blow on my dice?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
