It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
