: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Quick, to the slutcave!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
