You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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