I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
