I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
