Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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