you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
