im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
