I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
