My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
