She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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