I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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