Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
