your thong is hanging out like whoa
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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