i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
