He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
