I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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