Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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