just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
