Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I could make wine with my vomit
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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