she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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