My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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