Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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