I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
