i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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