So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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