that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think I won the penis lottery.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
