No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
