eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
