At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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