I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
