he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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