Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
