Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize