her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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