I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
