I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
