Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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