I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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