I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
