I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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