Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
