Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
