just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
now i know why i became what i already was.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
