apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
