At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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