Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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