You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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