how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
