Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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